The Bach week 4 thoughts

• Rachel's date sucked. It had potential to be really fun/romantic, but her super hard nipple was distracting, they had little to say, the fruit flies were rampant, they seem to have no chemistry and you know the date's bad when Ben's excited to point out a BEAVER DAM! Commitment-phobe got a sympathy rose and I think she'll be going home soon.

saynotocosmo.com

• I was shocked but pleased that Ben sent Samantha home mid-date. She needed to go eventually, but for him to send her packing like that for asking if she was going to get a 1:1 date soon was kind of extreme, but awesome. I really liked how he didn't even seem nervous about it. He just told her "this should end now" and she was out. Go Ben! Probably didn't help that she talked to him right after Nicki, who was expressing her gratitude for being invited on group dates.
  
• Jennifer is my #2 fave. She's really pretty and I like her style! I couldn't believe Ben made her get her hair wet first thing on the date, after she probably spent hours getting ready - but she was a good sport. Better than I would've been! I wouldn't even go on Big Foot Rapids with the husband (then boyfriend) at Knott's because I had washed my hair the night before and I wanted to look cute the rest of the day. But I guess not all girls have to take 1.5 hours out of their day to make their hair look straight and boring. Jennifer and Ben seemed to hit it off, but my favorite part of their date was watching this nutbag at the concert:

• I get why Emily ratted Courtney out to Ben (because Courtney is rude and manipulative, of course), but it's almost like she's never seen an episode of The Bach before. This tactic never flies with The Bach! He won't believe you! He will like you less now! He will make your mouth go side to side in a weird manner for the entire night!

• And Courtney... You continue to treat people poorly and then say things that make absolutely no sense. Genuinely nice people don't say "don't f*ck with me" and there's physically no way to verbally assault someone once you rip their head off, because they will then have no ears.

WINNING?

But my favorite quote of the night didn't come from Ben or any of his ladies in waiting. It came from my friend Jill, who text me as Monica was being walked out to the limo:

"At least Monica is going home with a rose!!! She has 30 on that ugly dress!"

 Thank you Jill, I can always count on you for the best one liners :)

Said dress, below:

The Bach product placement, week 3 recap

This week was DRAMATIC! Thanks to a group of seriously bitchy girls. Fo real.

I do not understand why they were freaking out so much about the return of Shawntel. Don't you want your husband to love you, no matter what? If you and Ben are seriously meant for each other, adding one more girl to the group would not change that. He will choose you in the end because he has fallen in love with YOU, despite the dozens of other girls throwing themselves at him.

The comments made this week made me embarrassed to call myself a chick! Thank you saynotocosmo for the perfect depiction of this debauchery:

WOW Erika! Not nice. Did you pass out because you suddenly realized that America was going to see your true colors, and your crazy lip tattoo? Or was it because you were carrying around so much extra weight from those gold chains on your dress? I was not sad to see you go, although I did feel bad for your extremely awkward goodbye with Ben, and his "nice to meet you" farewell. Ouch.

Courtney was just as bad, calling Shawntel "whatsherbutt" and being blatantly rude to her face. For someone who pretends to be so self confident, she sure has shown her true colors these past couple weeks. I hope it was just the alcohol talking and these girls aren't actually this mean spirited.


I'm a model, yo!

Kacie is still my fave, because she had so much fun on the "ski" trip even though she really sucked, and I didn't hear her say one mean thing about Shawntel. She is too sweet. I also really like Emily, but not so much for Ben. He doesn't seem to like her as much as some of the other girls, but I just think she's really cool, especially how she handled herself with Courtney at the rose ceremony. I'm sad to see that from the previews, it looks like Emily is the one who goes to Ben with "someone in this house is a totally different person with you than she is with the girls." These chicks always get sent home, doesn't she know this?!

Good for Ben for not giving out the final rose, if he wasn't feeling it. Wasn't too shocked that it didn't go to Erika or Jaclyn (seen here at her best), but I actually was surprised it didn't go to Shawntel. He must have done that for Courtney's sake, since she made it abundantly clear that she was only open to sharing Ben with 12 other girls, not 13.

beautiful, inside and out

PRODUCT PLACEMENT AT ITS FINEST
I thought it was weird that The Bach kept talking about his "Leap List" and that Rachel even knew the definition of it, explaining to the girls that it's a "list of things one wants to do before a big milestone in their life, like getting married or having kids."

"Really?? This is a thing?" I thought. "Man I must really be out of it..." Until I googled "Leap List" and found that it was actually a term made up by the Honda marketing team, taking product placement to a whole new level! Check this out:

Honda CRV's Leap List Website

Do you remember The Bach and the girls driving to their "ski trip" in their brand new CRVs and actually saying that on camera, and going on and on about the photos in the dashboard? This is all making sense now... let's all create our Leap List and buy a new CRV!!! Looks like we'll be seeing more of this during this year's Superbowl, too.

Side note to the Honda team: I think the idea of creating a list of things you want to do before you get married is so odd- I cannot think of one thing I can't do now that I'm married that I would've wanted to do before I got hitched. Sky diving? Vacations with the girls? Skiing in the summer in San Fran? Climbing up a bridge? All things I am perfectly capable of doing as a married woman. But I'll make my Leap List anyway just because I'm home in bed and if The Bach has one, I should too ;)

The Bach Jan. 9 favorites

Favorite girl: 
Still Kacie! Their 1:1 was so sweet and it seemed like Ben really enjoyed being with her. Baton twirling and all.

Favorite ridiculously premature statement:
"I think I have found what could be a lifetime of love with Ben." -Kacie, after knowing Ben for approximately 5 days.

Favorite catty line:
"How'd that taste coming out of your mouth?" -Courtney to Kacie after reading the date card. She seems  awful, so why does Ben really seems to dig her?

Favorite photo I found online:


Favorite heart-wrenching moment:
Jennifer's real, sad tears after seeing Ben mack down with Boobsley, shortly after they shared a seemingly sweet moment and make out sesh in the hot tub. Dumb move Ben! Jennifer is really pretty and seems so cool!

Favorite Ben moment:
Covering Scotch with the blanket. Aaaaawwwww. Sidenote: did you know Courtney is a model?

Favorite nail polish: 
Jenna's ONE white nail. I need to find a picture of this.

Favorite WTF is wrong with you moment:
HOW is it possible that a professional blogger can never form a complete sentence?

I feel like I'm a guy in how I act, and being around girls is abnormal for me... I might appear as if I'm not...  It's hard, like, there's only you. Waiting around for you, it's totally worth it, but I'm not a good girl.

The Bach premiere favorites

photo from saynotocosmo.com

The Bach is back! And the premiere did not disappoint. There are so many amusing recaps out there that I thought for my first post-episode blog I’d write about some of my favorite moments instead:

Favorite dramatic/obnoxious/confusing/ridiculous girl of the night: hands down Jenna. That shit crazy! The professional “blogger” had at least five-too-many glasses of wine and is already having meltdowns that should only be reserved for women who just found out their husband has been cheating on them with 19 women covered in tattoos. Here’s her blog, by the way, which is how she supposedly makes a living: http://theoveranalyst.net/. And what in the world was she so upset about? A stranger (Monica) not liking her? That she isn’t in love with Ben already? I’m so confused. That brings me to my next favorite…

Favorite quotes of the night: From Jenna, on the couch with Kacie and Ben: “That makes us… if… we can be more nervous but, you could… we all could be more nervous but, the way you’re calm, like, we’re so nervous, but it calms us a little bit.” Come again? (Click here for some other doozies)

Favorite lie: Courtney telling Ben that she’s at the point in her life where she’s a model, she’s traveled the world, she’s worked really hard, she’s ready to settle down and she’s only there for him. Sure buddy! You’re not there to be on TV at all! I’m not a fan. Probably because it drives me nuts when single girls have a 2-carat minimum for their future engagement ring from a man who doesn’t exist. Because they “deserve it."

Favorite entrance: Anna walking past Ben without even a hello. I think this was so lame, but I’m choosing this as my favorite because it made me laugh so hard. She tried so desperately to look sexy and mischievous as she walks out of the limo and right past The Bach as he yells “BOLD MOVE!” No rose for you!

Favorite hair: Lindzi. This picture doesn’t really do it justice:

Favorite random fact that no one (especially Ben) cares about: Rachel’s middle name is Rose, followed closely by Monica’s “I miss my dog.”

Favorite way The Bach was portrayed as a "Renaissance Man": randomly playing David Gray's This Year's Love on the piano... He knows it by heart. No biggie.

Favorite girl at the moment: Kacie! I thought she was so cute and sweet. She didn’t get dragged in to the drama (Switzerland!) and she was so nice trying to get Jenna to smile when she was crying. I felt bad for her when she finally got time with Ben, it was overshadowed by crazy pants’ tears. But I have a feeling she’ll be around for a while. I also really like Emily, your friendly epidemiologist. I know that rap was corny, but she got so into it and seemed so confident throughout the night. She seems like a cool chick.

Favorite obvious, overused sentence: “I’ll see you inside?” NO! You will not see me inside. I’m going to wear camouflage over this suit.

Favorite post-episode announcement: Dianna is actually engaged to someone else. Her tweet: “I’m getting married Jan 27^th. Before Ben… crazy how that works out.” I wonder if she fed her fiancé hot tamales out of a garbage bag too?

So what am I missing? What were your favorite moments?

P.S. For those of you who are doing the bracket, the 18 girls who received roses last night were: Blakeley, Brittany, Casey S, Courtney, Elyse, Emily, Erika, Jaclyn, Jamie, Jenna, Jennifer, Kacie B, Lindzi C, Monica, Nicki, Rachel, Samantha and Shawn. We will all have 18 points to start. Be sure to fill in every other line on the entire page and send it to me before the start of episode 2!